I have a Dot Mom post today, so stop by!
I'm getting some good emails this week. Here's another one:
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country - if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who is running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
Here's an email that came from a friend who is very new-agey and not usually very funny ...
I'm passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Chocolates.
You have no idea how great I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
When our first child, a daughter, was born almost eight years ago, I, like many new moms, turned into a complete, paranoid freak. I could barely take a shower while she napped (yep, one leg in and one leg out, rushing a fast as possible, with the monitor up full volume to hear every breath) for fear she would do, I don't know, something dangerous.
One of the situations I was most nervous about those early months with her was taking her in the car, as her seat faced away from me and I couldn't see her AT ALL TIMES. My husband spent hours upon accumulated hours adjusting and then readjusting this little Elmo rear view mirror just above her car seat so that she was fully viewable.
(Note of warning to new parents: Babies get used to the spot light. My daughter is a diva.)
I laughed out loud last night as I was leafing through a baby catalog and happened upon a backseat electronic camera/monitor for the car (with night vision)! You plug this thing into the lighter and set up a little screen on the dash board - with a roving camera eye in the back seat - and, hallelujah, your baby will be under constant observation for the entire five minutes it takes to drive to the grocery store!
Our eight month old has, I venture to say, a much more effective monitoring system when we travel with him by car. It is called, "Hey guys, what's the baby doing?"
Aren't the drawings of Cooper and me (done by her sister) a great touch? I love them.
That's in the plus column for today, which otherwise isn't going so well. I have ANOTHER cold and I'm thoroughly pissed off at the world about it. Running through my head are the voices of people who've bragged to me, "Oh, I never get sick. The last time I was sick was in high school." Like I asked for this, and deep down inside I really want to drag myself through a couple of days feeling awful.
I figure I picked up this nasty head cold from one of my kids' friends or on a train trip I took last week. Or both.
I can stay off trains for the winter, but I'm not going to quarantine my kids, so what am I to do? I really want to find the magic bullet. I eat pretty well, I try to get exercise, though of course, some weeks are better than others, and I'm only mildly sleep-deprived these days. Arrghh. I'm ready to try anything. This is so tiresome.
This is fun. Check out Tall or Not (via Boing Boing) to compare your height to that of celebrities and other public people.
For example, and I am sure you will find this fascinating:
I am the same height as Robert Redford, Tommy La Sorda and Annette Benning; I am taller than Al Roker, Tom Cruise and Phil Rizzuto; and I'm shorter than Mary Queen of Scots and Maya Angelou, who, I was surprised to learn, both measure in at 6 ft!
I also found that many male movie stars I thought were midgets, aren't as short as I thought they were (although most are pretty short.)
At a pre-inauguration "Values Victory Dinner" in DC a couple days ago, a conservative party leader, in all his considerable wisdom, questioned (and raged against) cartoon character Spongebob's sexual orientation.
So, Spongebob and his best friend Patrick hold hands sometimes. What's it to you pal? Come on people, have you totally fallen off the extremist deep end?
I watched the clock and tabulated the outrageous amount of multi-tasking that transpires in a simple minute. OK, here is what happened in our house from 5:01 to 5:02 pm.
Helped son 1 with peeing in the potty. Let dog out. Listened to cord of a Hilary Duff song with daughter 1. Got daughter 2 into Spider-man costume. Picked chewed up Starburst off the floor. Put popcorn into bowl for kids 1-3. Played patty cake with son 2. Let dog in. Gave dog water. Took Game Boy away from son 1. Negotiated a fight about the attributes of the Incredibles vs. Spider-man between son 1 and daughter 2. Gathered spilled popcorn off floor. Answered sales phone call. Untied knot in shoe of daughter 2. Helped son 2 up from floor. Wiped son 1's runny nose. Helped daughter 1 spell "Bettis." Helped daughter 2 spell "Dash." Checked email.
Times that by 12 hours plus a day and my lord people, how do we do it?
A few years back a friend was visiting and I had piles of papers on my desk, and I made some lame apology along the lines of, "Don't mind the mess. I'm in the middle of organizing." Her response was, "Oh, you'll never get rid of them. You're a pile person."
A pile person. What did she know? And what the hell did that mean anyways?
Well, fast forward to now, and dammit she's right. I ALWAYS have piles of paper that need my attention. Sometimes there are pieces in the pile that have been there for AGES. Like I'm actually going to figure out something to do with them. One of these days.
But, I'm here to say, I've turned a corner. My piles are now limited to one room in the house, in my office, and after a seriously deep cleaning today, they're not even that big. I'm feeling a new lease on life, with lots of new freedom to move around my house without be assaulted by the "you aren't dealing with me" message coming from piles of stuff. So, I'm hopeful that maybe I'm a pile person only in one limited realm of my life. Is it possible?
If only I could find a way to stop so much paper from entering our house in the first place...
The Washinton Times carried an article the other day, called "Parenting Pundits Proliferate" looking at how much more complicated parenting is than a few generations ago. Here's the site: http://washingtontimes.com/familytimes/20050115-100349-3912r.htm
Basically, the piece says that there are tons more books and approaches than when Dr. Spock ruled the home so it's tough for families to know which approach is best for them.
No disagreement here.
But really, don't all these tomes just drive you more than a little nuts? They're all full of such absolutes. I know that, as the article says, by reading them I can learn more about what is right for me ... and perhaps even by seeing what's not for me, I'll get a clearer picture of my own approach to parenting.
But why is it so hard for these 'experts' to take themselves a little less seriously and recognize that their opinions are just that ... opinions. These views aren't scientifically supported and reported in the New England Journal of Medicine. They are approaches and choices, that we as informed and loving parents are making based on our expertise about our lives and our children.
I'd like to see a book that acknowledges where the real expertise lies and speaks to parents with a little more trust in our smarts and flexibility ... not to mention humor.
Cooper & Emily
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