Would it kill ya to smile?

I have been thinking a lot about empathy lately.

Kindness, I have learned, goes a long way for a bedraggled, overwhelmed  parent.

I will never forget the time my husband and I took our kids, tentatively and with some trepidation, out to a "nice" restaurant for dinner one night when we were on vacation in Florida. We had tried a more child-friendly place down the street, but it was completely full, and our kids were starved. And you know what it is like to have hungry kids, we had no choice...

We bit the bullet and walked in, asked for a table in the remote, nether regions of the room and got bread and juice right away. I whipped out the coloring books, trucks and super hero guys and hoped for the best.

I sat down, scanned the room for all possible parties we might offend and there, two tables away was a well kept, beautifully dressed elderly couple enjoying a bottle of wine.

Dammit, I thought, they are going to be pisssssssed.

As the kids dropped forks on the floor, whined for their dinners, fought over the crayons and tried to walk around the restaurant, I could feel myself getting more and more flushed. I was barking at them, giving my husband the evil, "can't you do something to control these children of yours" look, and, generally, making everyone at my table miserable.

Then I caught the well-dressed lady's eye. She smiled and said to me, "Don't worry one bit about your children. We have three kids and nine grandkids and it makes us happy to see young people. We've been there, so, really, don't worry about us, enjoy your family and your dinner."

I took a deep breath, and, miraculously, so did everyone else. We all calmed down, ate our dinner peacefully and, you know, we actually had fun.

The older woman gave me a gift I doubt she realized she ever gave. I will, for the rest of my life, make sure (whether in a store, a restaurant, an airplane or anywhere that causes parents of young kids stress) that I let parents know that I have been there too.   

Last week we were on the other side of the coin with a woman on a plane who was VERY unhappy about the fact that she was seated near kids, and she let everyone on the plane - especially me - know it. And my kids were QUIET and playing games for god sake. All I wanted to say to her was (and I wish I did but I rarely do stuff like that): It is only an hour of your life, you are traveling alone. There are six of us and we are doing the best we can to stay out of your way. Would it be so hard to just ignore us, even if you can't find patience or kindness or empathy in your heart?

Comments

[Mel]

I love this post. How wonderful of that woman - it goes to show a smile or nice comment goes a long way. Since I've had children, I find myself giving that reassuring smile or nod when I see moms out with their kids. I would bet that woman on the plane isn't a mother.

[MetroDad]

GREAT ADVICE! I'm definitely going to do more of this in the future. But you're right. A little kindness does go a long way. We had a similar experience flying recently. The fact that everyone was so nice definitely relieved a lot of stress.

[Emily]

I have so BEEN THERE, girlfriend! I've been surprised by people who were incredibly kind and gracious with my kids (not often enough, mind you), and each time I've thought I need to make sure I keep my own bar that high.

[Pink Poppy]

What a great story! I find myself in that situation a lot...especially at church. For some reason, our children are generally the most well-behaved children at church. I don't complain. But I don't know why they choose to behave at church.

Anyway, it makes the other parents feel really anxious when our kids sit there so quietly for an hour and 15 minutes while theirs scream and squirm. I always turn around and say, "It's okay. They're not bothering us" and "I remember the day", because ya' know what? I'm still IN the day. Just not EVERY day! LOL!