Elizabeth Edwards writes a letter to her children

In the paper yesterday was an article on how Elizabeth Edwards (presidential candidate John Edwards’ wife who is being treated for breast cancer) is writing a letter to her children. As she says,

"You don't know when your time's going to come and whether you're going to have any warning, and it would be a great idea to pass on the things you thought would be important to them."

This goes straight to my heart.

Back in 1998, my dearest friend, Erin Kramp, and I wrote a book based on this very idea, called Living with the End in Mind. Erin had breast cancer too, and, after it metastasized, she knew she probably wouldn’t live to see her young daughter grow up.

As very sad as that was, she also saw that none of us have any promises that we’re going to live long and healthy lives, as much as we’d like to believe we do. While most of us don't know when our time will come, as she did, pausing to remind ourselves that, yes, we are indeed mortal gives us a chance to recalibrate and consider our life choices. When we take time to think about what we want in life, both in the present and down the road a bit, we can maybe even find our own unique ways of living with meaning and purpose.

As we were writing the book, a friend of a friend sent Erin an incredibly moving letter. Here's some of it –

My mother died when I was very young and I am realizing that I miss my mother the older I get. So, encourage Erin to leave memories for Peyton when she is older. … Things I wanted to know included:

-- A video of my mom talking to me. Maybe words of advice and what she admires about me. Also, challenges in life I may face. A video of her and me together would be great -- just to see how we interacted …

-- I want to know about her marriage – why she fell in love with my father and how their dating relationship was. Also, what qualities did she look for in a partner? … Plus, traditions she started (because, after her death, we no long had any.)

-- Motherhood – the joys and hard times she felt about raising me

-- How much she loves me.

It was with this letter in mind that we wrote the first part of Living with the End in Mind about leaving a legacy for our loved ones.

Erin and her husband Doug appeared on the Oprah Show a number of times to talk about the book, their experiences and everything they'd learned. As you might imagine, the shows were incredibly moving and the audience response was enormous. That was in 1998, and then just last year, as part of the 20th anniversary of the show, Oprah honored 20 of her favorites guests of all time, and Doug, his wife Cheryl and Peyton came on the show to honor Erin’s memory.

Erin ended up seeing her illness as a gift, as a catalyst for her to learn life lessons that she otherwise probably never would have learned. She was so very wise, and in her 37 years, touched millions of lives. Erin died in October 1998, a month after the book was published.

It’s amazing to me, on this rainy spring day, to think about my dear friend, and now how Elizabeth Edwards is writing the words she wants to leave for her own children. I’m going to wrap up a copy of our book and put it in a pretty package and send it to her in hopes that she’ll appreciate the love that went into writing it.

Comments

[sharon]

What a beautifully written post, Emily.

Sharon

[Jenny]

This goes to the heart of mommyblogging, doesn't it? Writing our little stories, and occasionally touching the lives of others, sometimes without even knowing we do it.

Just beautiful, Emily.

[PunditMom]

Thank you so much for this post. Just the slap I needed today to remember what I should be focusing on more.

[Beth B.]

Beautiful post. It was comforting especially since I just recieved a box from a husband of a friend of mine that just died of lung cancer. It had pictures of our friendship.

[Emily]

Oh Beth, I'm so sorry you lost your friend. I'm so so sad for you.

How wonderful though that your friend created such a treasure for you, knowing that you would enjoy the photos certainly, but really it was all about her taking the time to put it together for you. Wow. Isn't it incredible that you came across this post just as you received her present? Amazing sometimes how the universe lines up to give us a little of what we need in the moment we need it.

Your post is the very first thing I read this morning, and thank you so much for writing, because I know I'm going to think about it throughout the day, and it's going to give context to everything else. I sending you and your friend's family a big hug and very best wishes.

[Morra]

Thank you for writing this post. The courage of women like Erin and Mrs. Edwards' are stunning, overwhelming and inspiring. Thanks for reminding.